I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
