We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize