dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
