I will die if light touches me.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize