Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
