I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and she was petting her beer can
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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