party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
even my farts smell like vagina
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
