i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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