Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
