have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
