Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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