there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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