We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
