what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
