my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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