R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
