OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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