your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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