Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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