Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
