this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
