I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize