did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
don't judge my taste in strippers
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he just fucked me for my cheese..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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