I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
