I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How does one acquire holy water?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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