I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize