i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
