worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
a search helicopter?!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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