One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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