Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
