I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize