I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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