i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
