just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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