after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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