the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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