hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
