I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
