Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
