I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
