I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They took my balls.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize