I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
