I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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