we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
