Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
