im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
