I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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