I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
