Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have tasted many bathrooms
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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