Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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