Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
