I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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