Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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