if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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