Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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