yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
