He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize