I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
