he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
