My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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