how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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