we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
