I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
