At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
