Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
