I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
