Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
