he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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