escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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