she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
