No stitches, just platelets and will power
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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