the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
