Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
