I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
