What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need to calm my uterus...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
