I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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