And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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