Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
