Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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