dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
