You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
