so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
